if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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