you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
