I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
