Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The uberlube is also flammable
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
