GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
