i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
