I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
