I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
