apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
