He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
