why didn't you poke me back
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
