We won't sleep together?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize