Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
