So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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