your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
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Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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