Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
