So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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