I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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