right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
