this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
