At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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