somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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