i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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