Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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