i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
