just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
