Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
