rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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