Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
