Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Even my vagina gasped.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
