Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You pole danced in your parka.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
