Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
