I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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