Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
