There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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