shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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