so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just want nice things and good sex
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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