Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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