I wish they made helmets for livers.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
