Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
