I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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