Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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