So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
