i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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