i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
