Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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