I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I puked a lego.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
