I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
