Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
