At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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