It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
