She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
