he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
