i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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