I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
