Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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