Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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