The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
