I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
