I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
